It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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