he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
