On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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