Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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