you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize