My pussy is not your playground.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
