EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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