Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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