It's Friday. Sex?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
