So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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