I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
