Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's blow job season.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
