A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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