I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize