More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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