about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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