I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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