I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
