I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
