Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
