her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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