yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
