You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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