Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
