I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
