you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
