hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
