after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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