Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
