i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
