The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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