On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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