New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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