I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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