I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
