I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
