Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
