yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
