what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
