There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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