my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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