I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
