i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize