remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
