If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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