I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
