Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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