sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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