you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
