He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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