I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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