I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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