This is not my ceiling
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
