Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
