Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
