Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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