i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
