Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
