chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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